going….Going….GONE

This is it.

My last day of work.

Told a month ago that my job was being eliminated, the countdown began (and even extended four days!). But today is the day. I’ll leave the job I’ve been at for almost two years in an organization I’ve spent the last 11 years of my life.

I don’t know exactly what I’m supposed to be feeling.

  • Angry? A month ago I was a little stunned, but I don’t think I got angry.
  • Sad? I’m not. Any sadness I felt was for possible loss of income – not the job.
  • Elated? Nope. Not that either.

The pay is very good. But the job itself wasn’t horribly challenging. Let’s face it – if you must spend most of your day in the office, you want some challenges and hopefully not make a 10 her day seem like 22 hrs.

There are a few people in the department I will miss. A number of people within the organization I will miss as well. But you know how it goes – emails and phone numbers are exchanged, but once you’re out of sight, you’re out of mind (and vice versa). At least for 99% of those you think you’d like to stay in contact with.

I would have liked to get through this day without the acknowledgement of this being my last day. I know this is not possible. The department is insisting, against my wishes, of having a lunch for me. Sure, I can bring home the leftover cake – but I’m not much for the attention. I’m a Leo who is ok with bringing attention upon myself, but not to have others do it for me. I’m self-conscious at any even that draws focus to me. People wonder why I don’t really care about my birthday – and trust me, it has nothing to do with getting older.

This afternoon, I think I will just walk out with no fanfare, or as little as possible. The office is clean. I have like three things for my briefcase and that is it.

Maybe I don’t know how to feel because I’m not sure I’m gone gone. Just yesterday I had two interviews here in the organization for a job that does not yet exist. I have a good reputation around here, so it was nice to be thought of as they create this position. Outside, I have another hospital who is looking at my resume with some interest and a recruiter and with whom I have been playing phone tag.

I’ve come to peace (somewhat) with being outplaced. It could be a launching pad for other jobs and organizations. It can be an exciting time. I say this now. Ask me next week when I will be lounging around in sweats, eating kettle chips and watching Judge Judy! Oh – then just SHOOT me.

The last few days I’ve been reflecting on how I left University Orientation. I was closer with some of the people there than I am here. Phyllis, my dear co-worker, and I are still in touch, but that last day was ruined by our boss. The man who’d never see a day through decided to stay until I left. And not just in the building but in my office. No proper good-byes for Phyllis and myself. My car sat outside. Packed. I got in and drove to Cleveland and to the house where Denton (and Howard! grrrrrrrrrr) and the cats were waiting for me.

Time will tell how this will actually play out. But I’ll land on my feet. Of this I am sure. And at least for the next week I have a focus. Not a job, but my parent’s 50th Anniversary party, which we are hosting.

I assume I will have much time to update this blog. Not just the content, but the look and to switch over to my other URL – BlobbysBlog.

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