the 2nd Deadly Sin


Food isn’t my thing. I have the six other deadly sins down in one form or another.

Last night we went out for Denton’s birthday dinner. Well it was a combo celebratory dinner: his birthday and both of our new jobs. It wasn’t the most timely meal, since I’ve been working for almost 3 mos and him for a month… his birthday was weeks ago.

We went to Morton’s. I’d been there once, about a decade ago, for a benefit for the Center for Families & Children. The entire place was rented out for this event – and admittedly, I went for the alcohol. I did everything for the alcohol back then. That they had food was just kind of a bonus. It wasn’t sit down food, but waiters with trays taking bits around here and there. But it was an open bar! Note: I had port for my first and last time. I think pure cane sugar would have been less sweet than that stuff. As Eileen Flowers would say: “Awful!”

I know Morton’s is supposed to be the end-all, be-all, but honestly we weren’t that impressed. The space was fine, the service was too. The food was fair. I couldn’t imagine paying full price for it.

Wholesale at Morton’s you ask?? Well, not really, but we had…..a…….a……! Go ahead – gasp in horror at the non-exclusive steakhouse mentality that we possess.

For $99 it got each of us a petite filet, a salad, an appetizer, a dessert and then two vegetables to share. Honest to g-d, we could have done with a third of what they brought us. And as Denton pointed out – ‘we got the ‘girly‘ portions’. Oh, this doesn’t include the huge bread dome (it’s the only way I can describe it) that started off the meal.

Seriously, even if one shares, who is eating a 48 oz steak?? It’s disgusting.

And the prices! Oy. Without the coupon, our filets would have almost come to $80. Everything is ala carte, so the salad, dessert, appetizers and vegetables would have really set us back….not that I was thrilled at $100 for two.

The cart with all the cuts of beef came around…along with one very live lobster. I know I mentioned the other week that I don’t care that food has a face, but I do now. Especially when his/her beady little eyes are looking right at you begging ‘please, please, please, I am begging you, for g-d’s sake do NOT order me’. Naturally the waitress picks him/her up and says, ‘we split it down the middle….’ I just turned away. She put Larry/Lurleen Lobster back down where he/she just stared at me as the waitress went through the fresh fish choices.

I don’t even like lobster and I swear I was ready to purchase him just to throw him in a bathtub.

As it turns out, we both took home most of our filets, one of the vegetables and our desserts and we were both over-stuffed. I guess it was ok to try once, but I don’t see us going back…ever. If there is a price to pay for this, it came last night: I was up ill almost all night long.

If there is one reason to go back, it was our busboy. Swarthy and just the slightest bit surly. I think the word ‘hirsute’ also came up. I said to Denton, ‘if he does even something slightly interesting, he’s making it into the blog!’. …and there he is.


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