Ok, you’re probably wondering why there is a picture of Willy Wonka in the post. (Or more accurately of Johnny Depp playing Willy Wonka.)

It was time to renew my driver’s license. Off I go to the BMV and lo and behold, it isn’t there anymore. I shouldn’t really have been surprised as I know the entire strip where it was located is s-l-o-w-l-y being renovated and businesses are being forced out……..oh and I haven’t needed to be there for the last four years, so who knows how long it as has actually been gone.

Well it couldn’t have been gone too long as there was a sign on the door with the relocated address….which was crossed out because they transposed all the numbers. Ahhhh….state workers….at least they’re consistent.

I head over to the new site and it is FREAKY. Brand spanking new place….and it is set up the exact same way as the old one. New counter, but every old crappy chair was brought over – along with every old crappy employee and their old crappy attitudes.

Ruckiry (not Jon’s boss), the line was manageable….and I had all my bases covered: old license, new registration, updated insurance, social security card, credit card, cash (in case they don’t do credit – and they don’t) and a new buzzed haircut for my pitcher (yes, that is spelled wrong on purpose!).

The woman behind the counter couldn’t have been less impressed. She was more concerned about talking with a woman in another line she used to go to high school with. I could have been Mohamed Atta and she never would have noticed. She was too preoccupied and returned my old license to me (tsk tsk) and never had me do the eye exam (for shame!).

When she would axe me a question, it was in the middle of her friend conversation so I wasn’t really sure the question pertained to me, as she never attempted eye contact or acknowledged that I was ever really there. It didn’t help that she had a Now & Later (they still make these?) in her mouth. She’d be terribly annoyed when she had to repeat the question to me.

But as I am apt to do, I flash on particular cultural image and did so here and it was from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, when Willy/Johnny blurts at Mike TeeVee: “MUMBLER! Honestly, I cannot understand a word you’re saying!” Inside I was chuckling to myself.

Unlike my last license, the new picture doesn’t make me look like I’m an inmate at Supermax, but the Mumbler got me: when asked if my height, hair color and weight were ‘x, y and z’, I replied ‘yes’. The mumbler won this round – she added on 10lbs to my weight and I never understood a word she said.

Well played Ms. State Worker. Well played!


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