Perry O. Dontist II

So today was the day. That is, if you remember my posting from 4-6 weeks back about how I needed grafts of my gums done to cover exposed nerves and roots on two teeth.

At 8a I was in the chair awaiting the procedure. And I waited.

Finally they came in and shot me up with novocaine. They numb the areas near the teeth fairly well and the pinch isn’t too too bad. The same cannot be said for the roof of the mouth.

Since they take the actual graft for the teeth off the roof, that has to be numb also. However, unlike the gums, they don’t pre-numb the area with a q-tip before sticking the needle in…..and in and in….deeper and deeper. Crimeny! Then just left me alone with my iPod for about 30 minutes.

Honestly, thank g-d for Mr. iPod. He gets me through Metro rides, airplane rides and waits at the airport itself, to say nothing of working out and cutting the grass. That he helps with oral surgical procedures and keeping my mind off that shit, is a huge bonus and he’s totally paid off with whatever purchase price it would have cost.

Anyhoo….the procedure took maybe 90 minutes, including all the sitting around and waiting. It was a little disorienting since I couldn’t really tell what they were doing to me. Again, novocaine is a wonderful thing. I wasn’t sure where their hands were and if or what they were cutting. I could tell when they were sewing me up (and I immediately thought of Dith and Becky knitting) because I could feel the long strings of suture moving over my chin and getting stuck in my goatee. Then I started thinking – if that is going through my goatee and being stitched into my gums – how sanitary can that possibly be? But I was in no position to say anything…..literally.

The drill is soft foods for 5-7 days!!!!!!! Are they fuckin‘ kidding me? The upshot is, at least I will drop 5lbs. I also have to keep ice on it on each side (naturally the teeth are both sides of my mouth!) at least 20 minutes per hour for 24 hours. So we will not be seeing Harry Potter today.

But I cannot brush of floss back there for two weeks! That is gonna be odd, though excessive and aggressive brushing is one of the things that exaserbated this problem in the first place. Oh the irony.

The big plus is – I have a great chance of getting two black eyes from this! Can you believe this? I had no idea. I am going to look so fucking butch, it’s gonna be great! Or I’m gonna look like the fag who got beaten up on the playground. Basically, I’m gonna be Jimbo Jones or Martin Prince….depending on how I carry myself.

And I get Vicodan. Betty Ford, here I come!

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