This would probably be a good post for Gay Men Rule – but if you haven’t gone there lately, do not bother. Joshua shut it down. Granted I had not posted in awhile, but actually went there to do so when I noticed it was gone. I thought maybe I just got kicked out for being inactive, but you know how I take everything so personally.
I’ve never been a good social gay man. Oh sure, I am social with my gay friends, but I just call them ‘friends’. I’m talking about people who are ‘the gays’.
Rarely a week goes by when someone whom I know who is gay asks, ‘do you know so & so…….?’ and invariably I do not. Not only have I never had a personal encounter with them, usually I don’t even recognize the name. I am not a gay social-climber. For whatever reason, their question and my inevitable answer always leaves me feeling inadequate as a gay man of a certain age.
I don’t know who I suppose I should – or who they suppose I should. I wouldn’t say I’m anti-social I have just never gone out of my way to hang out or meet gay people just because they were gay. Sometimes it seems I’m the only one who hasn’t.
Granted, in this town I have limited history. We’ve only been living here for 12 years or so and the first 11.5 of that I devoted myself to 13-14 hour days at work. So the people who run the task forces, committee members who try to better life for gays – I just don’t know them and as I try to establish more of a work-life balance, I am beginning to feel a little left out.
That being said: I’m trying. We’re trying. Regardless that Seinfeld once said you can’t make new friends after you’re 30, I’m trying to change. We’ve befriended one gay couple, whom we really enjoy dinner and such with. Now we are engaging two sets(?) of neighbors – one being a gay couple, one a gay man (singular).
Saturday, five of us had a nice dinner at the other couple’s house. I think things went well. It seemed fairly relaxed – but that might have been the bottle of wine I drank talking. It was clearly the latest I’ve been up lately. Almost a six hour night after getting there. Everyone was being too nice about breaking it up – including the hosts. I felt like we were part of the SNL skit ‘the guest who wouldn’t leave’….though everyone was guilty about this.
In a pseudo-drunken state, I offered that we would host the next dinner. Let’s see how it all plays out – shall we.