Category Archives: Entertainment

Talkin’ Myself Down

Just more G2H2 pre/during/post bitch sessions stories.

I wasn’t fully awake when I posted yesterday. I was just slow to get through the post and it’s all I could do to finish and publish the thing. In retrospect, I would have had one post (as opposed to this second one) and the entire thing would have not only been funnier, but flowed a bit better.

….at least in my dream world. I suppose this is why I need an editor. Not that I am great at taking constructive criticism.

I first invited my friend Todd to join me. Not my friend Todd, the porn ingenue. He lives in San Francisco where other male “stars” live. No, this Todd works in finance – which can be just as sleazy, I suppose.

Todd has a wicked sense of humour and he never fails to make me laugh. When I asked him (via email), his response was: I wish I had your courage to go out and consume hundreds of wasted calories that do untold destruction to my body. Bitch. …so alone I went.

I said in last month’s G2H2 post, that these aren’t really flash mob scenes. It is all very controlled. The gay organization makes plans with the bars and it’s nothing more of a gathering of fags. No one is taking over any straight bar. We’re renting, basically. The only one benefiting from our disposable income are these bars. No straights are hurt or even offended in the process. Not even a little.

This time it was at the House of Blues. They have a very small bar and most of the place is a restaurant and a party room. Yes, we were in the party room. 100% segregated from any straight person who did not work behind the bar – which I’m not sure there was even one there.
This I do not get. Why not just have it at a fucking nice gay bar then? Why are we giving our money to these assholes who put baby in a corner! Nobody puts baby in a corner. (For the record – Dirty Dancing is another movie I have never seen. I just know of the quote. I think the first ‘b’ in baby should be upper cased, but whatever!)

So in I walk in and the hostess goes to me…..she goes…..oh you want the Cambridge room and tells me how to get there. Now I never said where I was going, or if I was just there for dinner or the bar. Bitch. Do I look that gay?

But back I went. There they made me show an ID! An ID!!!! Maybe if I were 30 I’d be flattered, but I am pushing 46. No one is thinking I’m underage or close to it. I made a crack to the other guy behind me, since he clearly was nowhere near the age of 21 either – but he didn’t think my crack about “our age” was funny. Bitch.

Then there was the room. Now you just know a gay man designed this room, well since…..someone had to and who do these jobs go to? All I can say is: Worst. Flow. Ever. The bar (only one) all the way at the back of the room. It was like a Great White concert at a Rhode Island in reverse.

…and let me tell you, there is a special place in hell for guys who pay for drinks with plastic. It is $4 for a beer! If you don’t have the money – get the fuck out of here! There are 300 thirsty fags behind you – and now the server has to stop, swipe your frickin ‘ card, rip the receipt off for you to sign, etc. Get out of our way. We are functioning and practicing alcoholics – we cannot be bothered by you.

I know it sounds like I’m moaning, and I kind of am. But if you want to interact with a few hundred homos, where does one go? As Todd said, he can’t do the gay bars, because by the time they get going, his hair is in curlers and the cucumber slices are already covering his eyes.

Will I go again? Maybe. I clearly would have to set aside my expectations and just go to go. There are flaws in the system but I guess I should just treat it as a bar and nothing else.  I don’t think I’ll go by my lonesome anymore.  First, as we saw with Eddie, the potential for me to get into trouble is too high.

I just want to drink and laugh with friends.

Song by: the G0-Go’s

Comic Books

I was never a reader of comic books.  I do mean ever.  I’m not sure I’ve ever read one.  I know I’ve never owned or bought one.  I guess I’m not your normal gay boy.  Or normal blogger.  There seem to be a lot of guys out there in Blogland who have devoted their forum to the comic book.  I’m just not one of them.  I’m just not that into it.

I have seen Batman and Spidermen on the big screen, but have successfully avoided things like X-Men, the Hulk, and that thing with blind Ben Affleck.   It is just not my style.

But it is early early Monday and I have to be out of the house early.  The blog post I was working on is not ready.   Time got away from me.

Ruckiry (not Jon’s boss) Moby provided me an excellent, and fairly easy post, so I don’t interrupt my 70+ days  of straight (ha!) blogging.   He became a superhero – and so now I am one also.

Ok, I’m a superhero, but even in my geeky way.  I’m about two steps below Mild Mannered Shoe-Shine Boy.   Yes, I’m the Mighty Thoughtful Philanthropist ……albeit one with incredible legs, arms and torso.  I thought the alter-ego was supposed to be mild-mannered, not the hero portion.  Can I not get anything right?

My mighty weapon is a shopping bag – only because a briefcase was not available as a choice.  It is probably just filled with stuff from Whole Foods.  ….because I’m that gay!

I’ve seen the Incredibles enough to know that Edna Mode says a superhero should never have a cape, as it will just end badly for the protagonist, but as it goes, I couldn’t help at least putting one on.  It looked better than wings – which were my other choice.

The tie, well, it was an obvious choice for me.  My superpower?  Probably the ability to use pivot tables in a single bound!
So, feel free – make yourself a superhero.  You can thank Moby later.

Song by:  Debbie Harry

Becky’s Tune

Until someone buys the movie or television rights to it, this is probably my last plug for Rebecca‘s novel, Nice to Come Home To.

Published last April, you folks have gotten dozens of hints from me to order the sucker for the 10 months prior to go-live. Some of you, I know have followed through. Thanks on that. She might thank you as well. Her manager, agent, publisher, publicist and accountant do.

For those of you hit hard by the economy – good news! Today, NTCHT comes out in paperback. It’s kind of like the second coming. But with the book, you have opportunities for paper cuts, which are like stigmata.

Don’t let Katie Holmes on the cover scare you. It’s actually a cute cover and it’s not really Mrs. Cruise. Tom probably wouldn’t let her read the novel as it has a therapist as a character, and we all know what he thinks about psychiatry.

Yes, the novel is probably geared more towards women, but no reason men wouldn’t like it. I did. (hush – all of you!) The possibility that the bestest character is based on me has nothing whatsoever to do with my opinion on the book. Honest. Kind of. Not really. Ok,  it’s all about me. Or should be. I was jonesing for her to call it McKay & Friends, but she never seriously entertained the idea.  And by ‘seriously, I mean ‘at all’.

As it is, I don’t think I factor into her new novel, which she is currently writing.

But until that (no known working title) is completed, pick up the paperback of Nice to Come Home To. It’s approaching spring break and beach season (well…..kind of soon) and it’s a good read for those times.. But at least buy it now. Her publisher will thank you.

Song by: Michelle Shocked

(You Gotta) Fight For Your Right (to Party)

Though we had the right, we didn’t fight. Not for this year’s holiday party that we usually have. The stars were not aligned for it to happen, though I suppose we could have tried a little harder.

Between my current job and its travel, my transition into a new job and that the holiday is falling in the middle of a week, there wasn’t much of a chance to get our friends together for this year. Not that we needed a huge turn-out. Whomever we invite and however many can show is just fine.

But I also didn’t want to do it half-assed either. So it kind of passed us by as much as we passed it by.

Yesterday was our big family get together. Today, it is just Denton and myself – sleeping in, hanging out, doing some gift exchange. Somewhere in between we made French Freedom toast.  But we are all for the pagan aspects of the holiday.  We love the tree and its 1000 lights.  (all those gifts are not ours – we had 20 folks over last night, plus my parent’s birthday.)

….and ladies and germs, I present the longest kitty kat in the world…….

Song by: the Beastie Boys

Drunken Angel

Last night was the first of two parties we are attending this weekend (tonite is the 2nd).

This one was at the home of one of my co-workers.   Now, don’t get me wrong, I like my co-workers but normally I don’t socialize with them outside of the office….or post-office work events.  I make an exception for Scott because I really like him and we really get along so well.  I also really love his wife.

Though a number of folks (a fraction really) from the office were invited to this party, the majority of people in attendance would be his neighbors.  Scott also assured me that he invited the eight invited people from the office wouldn’t show, and he did it mostly as an outreach and nicety.   The joke was on him – half of them did show.

Scott and I made a concerted effort not to talk about work, and even our boss, who did show, didn’t.  He and I talked politics, much to his wife’s displeasure.  But I like Marty a lot, so it was all cool.

But as more work folks showed, the more conversation turned to the environment turning sour in the office.  Maybe someday soon, I’ll share that with you.  The only take away from it was, I thought I was the only one in the office having these feelings, but clearly there is a wide-spread dissatisfaction for our work place.  But this conversation also turned the party sour, mostly for Denton.

Poor Denton, he knew none of these folks.  We had met some really nice neighbors of Scott, but eventually it became work folks.   …..and some drunk chick.

Rambling.  Obstinate.  At times incoherent.  I finally had to tune her out, but not before turning to Scott and saying “you throw the best parties!”  All of the sudden, a pressing on my foot brought me back to reality.  Denton was trapped next to her with no way of avoidance.  His pressing sandal said:  “save me!”.

Which I did.

We had been there for hours and any number of beers.  I excused ourselves for the evening, thanking the host and hostess before heading to our car.

Overall we had a nice time.   Good food.  Lot to drink.  Some really good conversations with their neighbors.

Now it’s our turn to invite Scott and his wife over for dinner.

Song by:  Lucinda Williams

Ride the Ride

On a pseudo-whim, we went to Cedar Point on Sunday. It is kind of the reason for my pseudo-post yesterday. I was just too lazy to write anything about anything.

CP is the roller coaster capital of the world. All those tv documentary stories on amusement parks say so. It must be true.

One of my many nieces is in town, so it was Denton’s idea to get a group of the in-town kids to go too. It was our treat. Kind of. When we arrived, we found a number of corporate employee appreciation days going on. Some guy gave us three free passes he couldn’t use. His company only had to pay $22 instead of the normal $43 (!!!!) admission price. Denton was smart and went to the ticket counter and said he needed four more – and they sold them to him at the $22 price!!! SCORE!

For all this talk of people doing ‘staycations’ (g-d, I hate that word!), the park was packed. No one stayed home! The major rides (Millennium Force, Maverick and Raptor) had 90 minute+ waits. That was hard to justify when you had four kids under 11 years old with you….and two of them weren’t even tall enough to get on the adult rides.

So for the most part we kept to the kiddie park. It was fun for the kids, laborious for me. My 9 year old niece went with me on a number of the coasters. She is absolutely fearless. We did the Gemini, Corkscrew and Blue Streak (which is almost as old as I am!! …..and just as rickety).

I’ve been on all the coasters except Maverick and was looking forward to it, but I think we’ll go back sometime with no kids.

There are a few rides I just won’t do. Like this one

Nothing says ‘vomit’ like 70 or so of your not-so-close friends swinging back and forth and spinning. No good can come from this. I don’t do spinny rides
Or the Top Thrill Dragster. 2+ hours for a 48 second ride. Besides the up and over thing just doesn’t seem fun to me.

Back in those days, they played Chicago, the Carpenters and America over the PA system. They still do. Clearly the royalty laws still favour middle of the road FM delights.

I remember when my parents would take us to the Point each summer. I wasn’t the only kid with Dippity-Do’d hair. Lots of kids today have product today – but all in the form of faux hawks. It’s like they all stepped out of their double-wide, got their tattoo and were allowed admission to the park. And they’re five.

Was that too judgment-y?

Song by: the Bangles

The Black Parade

Becky was asking the other week what (y)our favourite fair ride is or was.

It was a bit tongue in cheek – as they all pretty much suck. Amusement parks are different. Fair rides are bit scary. I think they were even scary when I was a kid.

But whomever you are, it probably wasn’t this one.

Someone should tell the manufacturer that he had no need for that ‘s’.    ….think about it…..

For the second time in three years (and the second time in about 30 years) we went to Blossom Time….for that frickin’ parade! Talked into by my little sister to take my niece and nephews to the cavalcade of crap. Let’s just say – never again.

There is almost nothing redeeming about a parade.

Except this

and him

and him again.

Song by: My Chemical Romance