Happy Dog (for Caggy)

Yes – it is my annual post for the Puppy Bowl. This is possibly the most important sporting event of the year! (that is not just hyperbole, either!)

I have never cared about the Super Bowl…and that’s not just because Cleveland has never been in it, or possibly will ever be in it. It is just the most over-hyped sporting event. Ever.

Quick! Who played in it last year? Who even won? Yeah, I didn’t think you’d know either – at least without Goooooogling it.

It’s not even worth sitting through it for the commercials. That’s what YouTube is for anyhow.

The Puppy Bowl is just fun. And cute.

C’mon! 20 doggies romping around a heavily product-placemented (it could be a word!) gridiron? What’s not to love? Buster, Charlie Brown, Griffey, Mac & Mercy are my picks before going into the game.

Oh – who will get MVP (most valuable puppy)?

And of course, let’s not forget the Kitty Half-Time Show. You can watch Springsteen almost anywhere these days. Watch the kitties and doggies instead.

Song by: Blondie

Talkin’ Baseball

Went to our first Indians game of the season last night. It was a beautiful night and some great seats – right behind first base, about 15 rows back.

I should have known not to go, since anytime I do go, we lose. And since we’ve been playing so iffy anyway, but on a two-game winning streak, I should have reconsidered going.

It started bad. Real bad. First, my doppleganger was on the DL. That’s the Disabled List, not the Down Low. Though I’d be really really ok if he were on that.

And then by the second inning we were losing 6-1. The Twins had six hits and six runs! We had six hits and one run. Pathetic.

But Casey Blake got a homer with two folks on base, so we came much closer to winning.

Alas in the 9th, they pulled ahead and stayed there: 8-5.

…me being me, couldn’t help but think of Buddy Cole and his Sappho Sluggers, during most of the game. Yes, I’m that gay. So for most of you out there who read this and could care less about America’s pastime, even I think you can enjoy this:

Song by: Terry Cashman

Score Tonite

Yesterday afternoon, a bunch of us left work early to go bowling. Though we had fun, it wasn’t for fun, exactly.

It was some awareness event for Big Brothers/Big Sisters.

Though I convinced myself that out of the 10 people on my team that I would be the low scorer, imagine my surprise when I bested them all by about 30 points – on my first game, that is.

My second game, I wasn’t quite as good, but I didn’t suck either. I more than broke 100 on both games. Beat that Mr. Obama!!! Actually, that’s not too bad considering it’s been about 14 months since I bowled last.

One of the folks at work is a Big Brother. I find it very admirable with his work and family schedule – but he’s committed to it. For about a nanosecond I thought – ‘maybe I should (or could) be a Big Brother’.

Ruckiry (not Jon’s boss), it was only a nanosecond. I came to and thought ‘WTF am I thinking’? In a way, I feel Helen Lovejoy (the gossipy wife of the minister) sitting on my shoulder screaming in my ear, “won’t somebody please think of the children???”

Can you imagine what direction I could possibly give to some child who had been abandoned by any male figure – or every male figure?

I can’t.

Song by: the cast of Grease 2

Why Can’t I Be You?

Yesterday was one of the biggest highlights of the last few weeks….or possibly months….or even my entire life.

Hyperbole? Perhaps.

First, Denton and I were out to lunch at the Great Lakes Brewing Company (and no, I did not drink). It was just nice because it was 80 degrees and we sat outside for lunch. In April. In NE Ohio!!!

Both of us were traveling this last week. I can’t explain why it feels so much different when we both travel (separate places) than when one of us is at home, but it does. Possibly something with the adage of someone keeping the home fires burning? So it was nice that we were both physically together after almost a week.

I’ve mentioned here numerous times regarding my low self-esteem. I don’t care who you are, everyone wants to feel they are attractive to someone. But it is never a huge pick-me-up when throughout your life, the only two people you’ve ever been compared to physically is a ‘young Anthony Perkins’ (when I had hair) or the guy who plays Dr. Mark Greene on ER (when I didn’t).

Oddly enough, twice in one week, someone asked me ‘has anyone ever told you that you look like a young Anthony Perkins?’ The first time, I figured the guy was a freak and just kept walking. It was harder to ignore when my English 160 instructor stopped in the middle of class to utter the same inquiry. ….and on top of that humiliation, I had to say, ‘yes……yes they have’.

And then twice in one week, decades later, I got the similar Mark Greene comments. The first time I didn’t get it, as I had never seen the show, nor knew the character. The second time I was at a stop light when two guys in the next car go, “hey, it’s Dr. Mark Greene”, to which I responded, “FUCK YOU!!!!” before zooming off.  (I’ve since been compared to that character two other times this last year!)

So why so giddy now?

As we’re sitting, eating our meals, two couples walk by with the hostess to be seated. One of the gentlemen, stopped turned around and came back to our table. I’m not sure if his comment or my response was more gay (though I’m 99.99% sure he wasn’t):

“You look just like Travis Hafner”, says he.

To which I reply, “I WISH!”

Yeah, I’m pretty sure I won the queer part of that conversation.

Oh, to even somewhat resemble Pronk would be too much to hope for. Though I don’t think even for a second I took credence in the man’s well intended comment, Denton could see it differently in my eyes.

“You’re going to blog this, aren’t you?” (damn straight!) Then he wondered aloud if my head would ever be small enough to get out the door – but since we were eating outside, I assured him it would.

Like I said above, everyone wants to feel they are attractive to someone. But my lack of esteem wouldn’t really ever let me believe I am in a Travis-like world.

And the man had no idea what beast he could have been unleashing, or knew I thought Travis was woofy, unless of course he has been reading my blog and knows of my years of infatuation with Mr. Pronk (yes, that is MISTER Pronk to you!). Maybe he’s just been waiting to run into me in hopes of tormenting me in some twisted twisted way.

Either way, I can live with that.

Song by: the Cure

Centerfield

Yeah – I know not only do none of you care, but after my entries last year regarding baseball, most of you didn’t even understand.

No worries. I’ll walk you through it as need be.

But spring (or lack thereof) be damned – Opening Day was yesterday. And it was sooooo much better than last year. Not only did we not get 6″ of snow, we didn’t even get rain. AND it was like 60 degrees. I don’t think we’ve seen that since November of last year. No worries, it is back to the 20s today. All is right with the world.

It doesn’t hurt that we won 10-8 either. As always, I’m hoping for a World Series showing and really hoping for a win. Like I said before……then I can die.

Last year I peppered you with pictures of Mr. Hafner. And while he is still my ideal, I feel the need to mix it up a bit. …..and so ladies and gentlemen, I bring you Ryan Garko:

Song by: John Fogerty

Basketball Jones

Last night we went to a Cleveland Cavaliers game with our gay neighbors last night.

I cannot tell you how long it’s been since I went to a pro-basketball game. Mostly because I have no affection for the game. …or the team. I just couldn’t care less. And growing up, I sucked playing the game. Being 6’2″ by 8th grade, everyone just assumes you would play the game and be good at it. WRONG!!!!

We went because of the neighbors. We like them and enjoy their company. I don’t think they care that much about the game either, but they were good seats. Great seats, actually. And one of the guys, Marty, and I just laughed and laughed. Case in point (and yes, you’ll all think I’m a horrid horrid person):

Marty: That mother just left that paraplegic child down there in his seat.
Me: Well, it’s not like he’s going to go wander off….

And what a spectacle these events now have become. Flames and fire roar out of places you’d only expect at Monster Truck Rallys (well….I assume!). And there isn’t an open inch of space that isn’t covered by LCD screens flashing something at you to buy, visit or a sponsorship of some sorts. If you were epileptic, you’d be seizing from the moment you walked in until….well…..the ambulance carted you away.

But during this game, the King, LeBron James, at the ripe age of 23, became the all-time high scorer in Cavs history.

On a scarier note – well, that would be the guy we sat near
It’s like one of those cavemen from the Geico (?) ads found Miss Clairol ‘Absorb All-Light Black #14’…….and a J.Riggins.  His wife and four kids were just a scary.   Imagine play-dates at that house.

Song by: Cheech & Chong

Puppy Love

Yes, I know I posted something similar a year ago – but who frickin’ cares? It’s the Puppy Bowl IV.

It is worth at least another mention.  You’ll probably see another one a year from now.  Suck it up!

I know I’ve mentioned before, I could care less about pro-football, and the Super Bowl is no exception (save the chance to see a shot of Mike Vrabel).

TPB, as I’ll refer to it, runs the same time as the highly expensive commercials football event, but it a lot cuter and a lot more fun. Though I’m not obligated to watch it, TPB runs on one of my client’s channels.

When/If you got to the website, you can check out the starting line-up – though I’m looking forward to seeing Justin, Colt and Mrs. Roper (i love that name!).

You really should keep it on for the ‘under the water bowl cam’ and when a ref comes out to call a foul (i.e. pick up some doggie doo-doo).
I don’t see a link to it, but there is also a Kitty Kat Half Time Show.  You should stick around for that too.

Song by:  Donny Osmond

Carmen Ohio

So two nights ago I had a dream. Yes, a weird dream. Do I have any other kind?

In the dream, I was about to have sex with this guy I know…..or should say have ‘known’. Biblically. But this was a long long long long time ago. Where and how I pulled him back in my sleep-state is beyond me.

Anyhoo…we were about to do ‘it’ in my parent’s bedroom. ICK. ….on so many levels. (seriously – if nothing else, the decor is beyond dated!)

Just as we were about to do ‘it’, somewhere in the background Carmen Ohio came on….and I had to stop what I/we were doing and sing it.

I woke up with a boner. I’m not sure if it was from the almost simulated sex or the song. Or both.

What? TMI?

Anyway, OSU had nothing to sing about. Not last night. I’m disappointed, but not surprised.

How firm thy friendship, indeed!

Song by: any chorale group or drunk football crowd @ Ohio State

Everything Is Coming Up Roses

It’s not the national championship, but there’s no real shame in going to the Rose Bowl.

Yesterday the Buckeyes all but sewed up going to Pasadena on the first day of 2008. I know – you’re thinking this is a sports thing and why am I even chatting about it. I can hear you out there ya know!

It wasn’t as much about the game or the outcome as it was spending the afternoon with two friends watching the game.

Tom G – whom has been mentioned many a-time here – was coming to Cleveburgh to watch the game with his ‘special friend’ (not me). I got an invite to join. It turns out it was just at a gay bar we were going to. Oh well. How bad could it be at 12 noon on a Saturday?

Tom doesn’t need to prompt me to not act my age, but it’s nice to have the encouragement.

He is the master of the prop – be it for parties, story telling, sporting events or the possibility of stalking a porn star (that’s another post). Jack (his ‘special friend’) wanted us to wear tiaras, but instead we traded the above homemade headband. You might have to click the enlarge the image (camera phone, no flash and bad lighting) to see what it is. Go ahead – sound it out. It’s like live pictionary.

Each time we were not in possession of the ball, one of us was required to wear it. We did it willingly and proudly. Oddly enough – we did not get one look from the other patrons. With the pom-poms (g-d, they smelled like my high school gym locker, but worse!) and noisemaker, we tried to draw attention – but to little success.

The Woody cap is mine. It’s my second. Morty got me my first when I was in the hospital with my appendix. I wore that thing all the time, it fit like a second skin. I lost it a dozen or so years ago when Tom and I went to the OSU – Michigan State game in East Lansing (home to one of my most favourite Tom G stories!). I left it at the hotel in a post-drunken stupor. The hotel claims to have never have found it – but you know they just tossed it when they saw the Block O.     Fuckers!

Putting on the headband, I told the crew I felt like Patty Duke. Jack asked if I meant ‘Cathy’, but no….it was Patty and I told him it was because ‘a hot dog makes me lose control’. I love when I never ever have to explain my jokes to people.

After the game, we hung out and I dropped money in the jukebox. I love taking over the music at a place where Whitney Houston is the standard. Ick. They had an ok selection, but I made it better just by my choices: Garbage, the Smiths, Eurythmics, Weezer & a few others.

While making the selections, I had to endure Russ. No, I don’t know him. Just a bar patron who decided to come up and ask me what my favourite songs and bands were. …and then how he should leave because he had just broken up with someone who was expected at the bar and how he shouldn’t be there….or should he just not run away. Oy. I felt like I was pseudo-being hit on and yet asked to be Ann Landers. I wanted neither. Double Oy.

But on this cold, rainy day – I took in warmth by just being with friends.

Song by: Black

Talk Talk

I know you’re thinking I’m gonna talk about the Indians again – but my song/post title might tell you differently. After a painful Game 3, I’m drafting this while we are (currently) winning Game 4. But it’s early. Only time will tell…..

Since it was a later start for us tonight, we went to another lecture sponsored by Cleveland State – the same folks who brought us Doris Kearns Goodwin.

The second speaker wasn’t quite as eloquent: Khaled Abou El Fadl. The subject was interesting enough: The Rise of Islamic Extremism & Islamophobia. The orator kind of sucked. Not kind of. More like really. Really really really sucked.

Oh, he started off ok, but quickly lost his way. He jumped around years and topics with seemingly no rhyme or reason and no way to tie it all up. On the way out I overheard a woman say, “it was just like free association”. Phew. At first I thought it was just me who wasn’t smart enough to completely follow what he was attempting to get at. As it turns out everyone I heard talking thought the same thing.

The speech tic and/or impediment he had didn’t really help matters. And he didn’t tailor this slowness in his speech to go with the length of it. Soon, his allotted 60 minutes became 90 before the moderator had to cut him off.

The organizers even 86’d his Q&A for the evening due to time constraints. Honestly, there’d have been no way to reign him in…which would have been fine if you thought you were going to get any viable information out of him.

The longest 90 minutes of my life. At least it seemed. ….then I had to endure the Indians game.

Which we won…and now head to the ACLS. So here is just a shot of that.